r/funny 5d ago Gold 3 Helpful 5 Take My Energy 2 Bravo! 1 Masterpiece 1 Silver 7 Wholesome 12 All-Seeing Upvote 1 Narwhal Salute 1 Vibing 1

My mom told me to make something nice to wear for Thanksgiving. I think I nailed it.

Post image
75.7k Upvotes

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4.6k

u/satanshark 5d ago Silver

Dad steps out of the garage.

“Whenever you’re done shaking your ass in the driveway, your mom needs help with the dishes.”

2.7k

u/josiemarcellino 5d ago

This actually is shocking close to what happened lol

328

u/satanshark 5d ago

This is amazing.

43

u/TearyEyeBurningFace 4d ago

You're amazing.

24

u/1stopvac 4d ago

No, YOU are amazing!

17

u/Rektifium 4d ago

No, YOU'RE amazing, as well as him you're BOTH amazing!

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u/mikealwy 4d ago

Did he take the pictures?

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u/skr80 4d ago

OMG I just realised you did the catdog Halloween costume. That had me in absolute stitches, especially your dad's comments through it 😂 I could definitely imagine your dad saying that.

Thanks for the laughs once again!

9

u/josiemarcellino 4d ago

Haha, cheers mate

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u/Kratsas 5d ago

Who do you think was taking the photos??

403

u/Jmandy96 5d ago

Step turkey?

150

u/Kratsas 5d ago

Help stepturkey- I was stuffing the turkey and got my hand stuck. No messing around- get me out of here!

48

u/Red1mc 5d ago

I would but now that you're stuck, I have the strong urge to whip it out so....

35

u/Capsule_CatYT 5d ago

pulls out Sandvich

11

u/RandymMartel54 4d ago

About 6 old people in TF2 character costumes start swarming you

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u/ansefhimself 5d ago

Gobbles in Distress

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u/kaest 5d ago edited 4d ago

The snood really brings the whole outfit together. edit: my top comment ever is about snoods!

77

u/I4Vhagar 5d ago

I assume the snood is the felt nutsack hanging from her nose?

21

u/FaagenDazs 4d ago

That is correct

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u/prison_mic 5d ago

Damn remember that game snood. Not sexy but I wish I had it now. Love me some snood.

119

u/kaest 5d ago

I do! Wow, early 2000s flashback.

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u/thejoker954 5d ago

Shit, snood holds a special place in my heart. Similar games just never did it for me.

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u/Competitive_Duty_371 5d ago

That’s the one with the different colored heads and the aimer right? And you have different levels that get harder?

Oh snap need that in my life again.

Edit: I’ve procured snood! YES!

YEA BABY! I’m soodin for the rest of Thanksgiving. Ah thanks!

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u/josiemarcellino 5d ago

Thank you haha

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u/JokeMe-Daddy 5d ago

That's the best part! How did you manage to keep it on? I really hope your mum appreciates the Thanksgiving ambiance you're emanating.

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u/teneggomelet 5d ago

How is it attached to your nose?

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u/lenaahmed 5d ago

Stapled. Obvz

55

u/Tasty0ne 5d ago

Ehm, dude, thats not a part of the costume, dont focus on it

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u/Ph33rdoge 5d ago

It moonlights as part of a hammer and sickle cosplay

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u/meLIZZZZZma 5d ago

I scrolled all the way down here looking for someone to bring up the snood! It’s the cherry on top.

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9.7k

u/PhunkyTown801 5d ago Silver Helpful All-Seeing Upvote

Mom: “can you bring some cake for dessert? “

Josie: “don’t worry mom, I’ll bring ALL the cake. “

2.2k

u/bigfloppydonkeydng 5d ago

I'll add the stuffing and gravy

818

u/bumjiggy 5d ago

I'm just here to gobble up the groceries

212

u/iK_550 5d ago

I brought the bigger bonk-club with barbed wire.

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u/RuneAloy 5d ago

My man.

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u/[deleted] 5d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/darrellbear 5d ago

Today I learned that the red thing hanging from a turkey's upper beak is called a snood. Seriously. It acts kinda like a uh, penis:

In anatomical terms, a snood is an erectile, fleshy protuberance on the forehead of turkeys. Most of the time when the turkey is in a relaxed state, the snood is pale and 2–3 cm long. However, when the male begins strutting (the courtship display), the snood engorges with blood, becomes redder and elongates several centimeters, hanging well below the beak (see image).[39][40]

Snoods are just one of the caruncles (small, fleshy excrescences) that can be found on turkeys.[41]

While fighting, commercial turkeys often peck and pull at the snood, causing damage and bleeding.[42] This often leads to further injurious pecking by other turkeys and sometimes results in cannibalism. To prevent this, some farmers cut off the snood when the chick is young, a process known as "de-snooding".[43]

The snood can be between 3 to 15 centimetres (1 to 6 in) in length depending on the turkey's sex, health, and mood.[44]

Function

The snood functions in both intersexual and intrasexual selection. Captive female wild turkeys prefer to mate with long-snooded males, and during dyadic interactions, male turkeys defer to males with relatively longer snoods. These results were demonstrated using both live males and controlled artificial models of males. Data on the parasite burdens of free-living wild turkeys revealed a negative correlation between snood length and infection with intestinal coccidia, deleterious protozoan parasites. This indicates that in the wild, the long-snooded males preferred by females and avoided by males seemed to be resistant to coccidial infection.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turkey_(bird))

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u/Creative-Stable-7488 5d ago

So basically when the turkeys fight they do the old dick twist?

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u/Deep_Accident_4853 5d ago

Farmer cuts off your snood.

15

u/OkRange9999 5d ago

Don't ever try to teach me something like that again

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u/Ricksterdinium 5d ago

Aaah fuck... I fucked the turkey.

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u/GreatValue- 5d ago

Jay has entered the chat

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u/DilankaMcLovin 5d ago edited 4d ago

I'm just here to gobble up the groceries

Please bring your loyalty card for extra rewards

13

u/Wagglebagga 5d ago

Eat it up baby, catch a pardon.

98

u/800grandave 5d ago

…what?

184

u/James_099 5d ago

HE’S TALKING ABOUT EATING ASS

52

u/TheGoldenPlagueMask 5d ago

EATING ASS IS BADASS

~Danny Devito

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u/bumjiggy 5d ago

we'll tell you when you're older

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5.6k

u/Will33iam 5d ago Silver

Don’t fuck the turkey. Don’t fuck the turkey. Don’t fuck the turkey.

4.0k

u/wayneluke23 5d ago Silver Gold All-Seeing Upvote

She's your cousin she's your cousin

1.6k

u/RootHogOrDieTrying 5d ago

Not a first cousin
Not a first cousin

472

u/Surrounded-by_Idiots 5d ago

Better chances than European royalty Better chances than European royalty

129

u/redditor_pro 5d ago

Not a high bar. Pretty sure direct siblings would be less inbreeding than what used to go on there. Generations of it

125

u/Orcwin 5d ago

Hey, don't disrespect their family tree wreath. They've worked to cultivate that for centuries.

50

u/willoz 5d ago

I've always referred to them as having a family shrub or lawn but wreath is pretty good.

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u/silentjay01 5d ago

🎵 Well I guess she's my cousin, but she needs some sweet lovin' anyway! 🎵

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u/Grand-Ad4235 5d ago

I’m a simple man, I see a Dead South reference, I upvote.

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u/drunk98 5d ago

Not my first cousin, but my first choice.

42

u/y6mnn 5d ago

SWEET HOME ALABAMAAAA

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u/Born-Bathroom2886 5d ago

You're fucking not having babies together.

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u/HomoFlaccidus 5d ago

She's your cousin she's your cousin

Yeah, so you do it out of respect. You don't just let some asshole fuck your cousin.

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u/spicypeepers 5d ago

Never let an asshole fuck your cousin. Let your cousin peg your asshole

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u/Klingon_Jesus 5d ago

She's your cousin, Maeby.

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u/CactusBathtub 5d ago

I'm your sister!

I'm your sister!

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u/Win-Rawr 5d ago

Thanks Joe Dirt.

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u/The_Kiatro 5d ago

"Eric. Stop staring at your cousin" - Red Forman

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u/AdultingGoneMild 5d ago

Eric really was a dumbass

7

u/ThunkAsDrinklePeep 5d ago

My favorite Red moment is when Jackie helps him with the car.

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u/dalton10e 5d ago

Hey Step-Turkey, can you help me with the stuffing???

146

u/Forlorn_Cyborg 5d ago

That Turkussy

51

u/F1reManBurn1n 5d ago

Stuff it from the back, right in that Turbussy 🫦

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u/thesunbeamslook 5d ago

"Wakka Chikka Wakka Chikka" music starts...

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u/slobis 5d ago

Stop quoting your dads law commercials…

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u/Giantkoala327 5d ago

Insert "you fucked the chicken breast didn't you" greentext here

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u/lookiecookie_1001 5d ago

Gobble gobble mate. Gobble gobble.

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u/[deleted] 5d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

118

u/cnewman11 5d ago

My and a buddy once fucked an ostrich. Allegedly.

88

u/Monkey_tr33 5d ago

ALLEGEDLY

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u/The-Scuttles 5d ago

I heard it was a sick ostrich.

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u/Monkey_tr33 5d ago

Wouldn’t it take three guys to do that?

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u/Thebluecane 5d ago

Musta been a sick ostrich

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u/ThisGuyFawkes420 5d ago

International waters though so nothing could be done

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u/batmandi 5d ago

But has your Buddy ever had attentions paid to his butts hole. I don’t like to kiss and tell but…

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u/turdnugget44 5d ago

That's what's I appreciates about you

5

u/sovamind 5d ago

You can say super model. It's less crass than name calling.

4

u/Yungdab420 5d ago

Happened to my buddy Eric once

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u/Inostranez 5d ago

Don't fuck with the turkey. They can beat the shit out of you. They are stronger than geese, absolute units, srsly

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u/Maij-ha 5d ago

I think the turkey was supposed to be the original American symbol based on how prevalent it was, and how little you wanted to screw with one. Eagles won out though. Can’t be seen eating our national bird.

14

u/Simple_Discussion_39 5d ago

Pussies :P. Here in Australia we eat both animals on our coat of arms. The kangaroo and the emu. Never had emu but roo is delicious.

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u/out_focus 5d ago

Are they pussies? I know just one nation that lost a war against a species of flightless birds :p

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u/smashy_smashy 5d ago

Amazon delivery guy in my neighborhood was in a huge fight with a Turkey recently. They both knew each other. It was intense. We have shit tons of turkeys here and they are mostly fine. They are def stronger than geese if you piss one off, but geese are massive assholes and I quite like the turkeys as far as bird folk go.

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u/bucko_fazoo 5d ago Silver Gold Helpful Wholesome That Smile

GLAZE MY THIGHS 🦃 SLAP MY BUTT 🦃 MAKE ME YOUR 🦃 TURKEY SLUT 🦃 EAT MY BREAST 🦃 EAT MY WINGS 🦃 JUST DON'T FINISH IN MY STUFFING 🦃 DADDY'S DRUMSTICK LOOKS SO YUMMY 🦃SHOOT YOUR GRAVY AND FILL MY TUMMY 🦃

1.2k

u/Unumbotte 5d ago

Does the turkey emoji mean the lines are broken up by turkey calls?

242

u/NhylX 5d ago

Gobble gobble, bitch.

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u/rsmseries 5d ago

My vote for the best adlibs in a song this year

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u/omega-mate 4d ago

I'm so upset you made me re-read that with turkey calls.

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u/Erotic_FriendFiction 5d ago

Next year I will send out Thanksgiving cards with this Pulitzer Prize deserving poem. Thank you.

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u/dotslashpunk 5d ago

lol love the username and reference

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u/jstbcuz 5d ago

“If I was gonna fuck a turkey, I would warm it up, like a goddamn gentleman!”

— Jay Bilzerian

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u/Awsums0ss 5d ago

2 big mouth references in the same thread? noice

43

u/canned_soup 5d ago

I instantly defaulted to the tune of wap

10

u/child_sized_tequila 5d ago

Me too! What is it about it, the obnoxious all caps? The short verses? My mind took a look and immediate switched to WAP rhythm

6

u/Lagapalooza 5d ago

You're fuckin' wit some wet ass gobble

271

u/TimHung931017 5d ago

You should be arrested

For dropping those dope ass bars

52

u/Eschirhart 5d ago

Dudes an arsonist surely....can't spit that much fire without burning shit down!

90

u/FavoritesBot 5d ago

Cursed, but catchy

18

u/foodiefuk 5d ago

Turkey sign = “gobble (slurp)”

27

u/rndname 5d ago

Is this Nicki Minaj's new thanksgiving single?

11

u/Sen36o 5d ago

This is the Thanksgiving comment I needed today, Thank you.

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u/Ulsterman24 5d ago

We have strayed too far from the light of God.

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1.6k

u/GrunkleTeats 5d ago

I have become... Horngry?

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u/EMPulseKC 5d ago

I sense the birth of a new sub...

r/Horngry?

EDIT: "Content banned." Well, hell. This is why we can't have nice things.

46

u/blackabe 5d ago

God dammit Costanza. Always taking it a step too far.

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u/AnotherAlienDoctor 5d ago

Banned already

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u/Papplenoose 5d ago

Shit, is this how you develop a vore fetish? I'm glad I'm not still developing sexually, because this would almost definitely be a big fucking problem.

6

u/coviddick 5d ago

Look up @susividal on Instagram. She has horngry merch, check out some of her OnlyPans videos.

4

u/EveryOptionSucks 5d ago

Just don't lose your cool during family dinner and start eating that slutty fucking turkey the way you know it wants.

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u/lMickNastyl 5d ago

Two easy steps for reddit karma:

1.Butt 2.Done

1.0k

u/theatahhh 5d ago

It is an incredible butt. But this person has some costume dedication for sure

139

u/Netherdan 5d ago

Sure does

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u/diadcm 5d ago

...Yes. I'm sorry, what was the question? I was looking at her butt.

6

u/NhylX 5d ago

I'm here for the quaint country lane that's in every shoot.

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u/braamdepace 5d ago

Step 3 say “my shy gf did this … or my mom told me to do this…” to get those who don’t upvote thirsty self promoters

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u/De-Hond 5d ago

Cleevage.

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u/paulerxx 5d ago

Bobs and vagene always come through!

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u/2BrokeArmsAndAMom 5d ago

Today I am thankful for.... Dat ass

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u/itWasForetold 5d ago

I recognize this girls posts due to her driveway. I don’t know how I feel about that.

Amazing driveway though. As a city dweller I’m jealous.

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u/grobend 5d ago

10/10 driveway

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u/asiledeneg 5d ago

But wattle the relatives think?

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u/Logical_Progress_873 5d ago

Nice progression of "Did you see my ass yet?"

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u/KthulhuX 5d ago

That’s just fowl.

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u/Bomboo2810 5d ago

Jesus Christ Reddit

10

u/FoRiZon3 4d ago

Redditors try not to reference porn challenge (impossible).

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u/DrManhattan_DDM 5d ago

Is the turkey a little dry this year, or just thirsty?

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u/williamshatnersbeast 5d ago

It ain’t cool being no jive turkey so close to Thanksgiving

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u/chibinoi 5d ago

You ever wonder if your neighbors think “alright, it’s 2 PM folks, time to flip open the blinds and see what she’s wearing this time”?

Also, you totally nailed it 👍

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u/josiemarcellino 5d ago

During Halloween month they definitely come around to see haha

36

u/chibinoi 5d ago

Personally, I love your enthusiasm for the cosplay and general fun and harmless tomfoolery. Thanks for sharing!

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u/josiemarcellino 5d ago

Cheers mate!

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u/tommysticks87 5d ago

Voting buttons disabled?

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u/EarlOfBears 5d ago

Why can't you stop being an internet whore for one God damn day Becky

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u/pwalkz 5d ago

I like them

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u/Rdubya44 5d ago

I do too, she puts in effort on costumes and is entertaining. It’s not just slutty selfies.

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u/chenhanlin 5d ago

Gobble Gobble

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u/gabriel-stone 4d ago

Oh this is how you get Reddit Karma I need to buy brown yoga pants for my hairy ass!

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u/RealAnselElgort 5d ago

Are you a stripper by any chance?

402

u/josiemarcellino 5d ago

I do not have the coordination that that profession requires lol

107

u/scienceworksbitches 5d ago

having just seen the clip you posted on tiktok, i have to agree. that was the most unsexy slutty turkey ive ever seen.

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u/lkmama 5d ago

I love your batshit/funny/amazing costumes and ideas. I love when your posts pop up on my feed. I hope that you and your family have a wonderful thanksgiving.

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u/dalton10e 5d ago

She's clearly a turkey

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u/farendsofcontrast 5d ago

Oh it’s this person again

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u/The-Sneaky-Snowman 5d ago

This is the most r/upvotebecausebutt post I think I’ve ever seen in my life

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u/LordSalem 5d ago

Please cross post this to r/RoastMe

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u/cleoterra 5d ago

Damn Reddit have y’all ever seen a girl before? Lmao

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u/bigpickler 5d ago

The thing about girls is that once you’ve seen one, you want to see them all

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u/6SacredSoul9 5d ago Wholesome All-Seeing Upvote

Ya'll have a very loose definition of "funny"...

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u/Acrobatic-Degree9589 5d ago

Most things on this sub are not funny

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u/blvckhvnd732 5d ago

Same walkway every time

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u/ACuriousZombie 5d ago

I need to know how you got the thing to stay on your nose!

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u/Starwort 5d ago

Why are you crossing the road?

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u/Lonebeef 4d ago

The thirst is real, cue the "I'd stuff that turkey!" comments

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u/HeashiDran 5d ago

I just come here to see all those horny simps lol

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u/Ichewsyou876 5d ago

God I hate reddit sometimes

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u/AcornCity 5d ago

35k upvotes in r/funny for this? What am I missing

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u/chata187 5d ago

lot of horny folks in these here comments lol

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u/thoughtsupplier 5d ago

I mean, is it not the intention of the post to be slightly provocative?

15

u/ShiveringSilhouette 5d ago

No shit. Isn't that what the shit post provokes?

140

u/fchowd0311 5d ago All-Seeing Upvote

That's literally the point of the post. Or do you think low cleavage skin tight turkey suits are supposed to be wholesome family fun?

10

u/heteromer 5d ago

Stupid sexy turkey

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u/MyFirstOtherAccount 5d ago All-Seeing Upvote

Thirst trap pics

WhY iS eVeRyOnE sO HoRnY?!?!?!?!?

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u/random314 5d ago

It's Thanksgiving for God's sake.

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u/Idaho2Atactical 5d ago

In this day and age I’m so confused…. Is that a dude, a lady or a turkey trying to be human?

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u/jnads 5d ago

Also only male turkeys have large snoods (flap on the nose), so extra confusing

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u/Aaron_Hungwell 5d ago All-Seeing Upvote Take My Energy

This sub has difficulty enough offering “funny” content - respectfully, this is just a thirst trap advert.

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