r/BeAmazed 5d ago Helpful 3 Wholesome 3 Dread 2

In Switzerland, there are movie theaters where you can book a double bed instead of a seat

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39.8k Upvotes

2.9k

u/BoredGameSensai 5d ago

And you thought a black light was a bad idea at motels...

769

u/HBag 5d ago Silver

Shine a black light in there and the whole theater will look like a supernova

235

u/gazongagizmo 5d ago Silver

Honey, I think this is just PR for that upcoming Jackson Pollock documentary

73

u/HBag 5d ago

After the movie, the theater cleaners will help peel you off the sheets

15

u/awkwardnarwhalicorn 4d ago

lol my dog is named Jackson Pollock. He's crazy.

9

u/Appropriate-Bread647 4d ago

You need help, Quill.

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u/Cakeking7878 5d ago edited 4d ago

You know what interesting, way back before the internet or porn mags or even movies, you had to like, go to a place to do that. I mean, just imagine it’s like a busy night so there’s like 20 or 30 guys all cranking it to whatever lady or whatever.

Thank god we didn’t have black lights then but that would probably be a “don’t touch any of the seats” type deal

Edit: ok I made a bad over generalization, I was thinking like 1800s

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u/Hornswallower 4d ago

You can still go to those places.

And you can still buy porn magazines.

And you could always get one or the other or both.

You just liked jacking off with 30 other guys instead of the privacy of your own garden shed.

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u/tyme 4d ago

You know what interesting, way back before the internet or porn mags or even movies, you had to like, go to a place to do that.

Hm, you can jerk off without porn, mate. It’s called an imagination.

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u/[deleted] 4d ago

When porno theaters were still a thing, everyone in the place was doing something. Guys were wacking off, couples were getting busy and never mind in the bathroom.

I always felt bad for the poor sap that had to mop those floors LMAO

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u/reaperteddy 4d ago

Couple years ago I briefly worked in one. I was indeed the poor sap mopping the very sticky floors. What cracked me up the most was that it was mostly leather couches and armchairs, but a couple of really sad beach chairs too. What a vibe.

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u/AluminumOctopus 4d ago

You really think there weren't black lights in the 70's?

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u/Cakeking7878 4d ago edited 4d ago

I mean like the 1870s, I mean know they did exist in the 70s. They still exists

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u/ImprePveicp 5d ago

I‘d sleep every film and never even reach the opening sequence.

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u/FofoPofo01 4d ago

Oh dude. So many hand jobs will be given.

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u/fuzzballsoflove 4d ago

Oh honey, we're not stopping at hand jobs.

58

u/Copatus 4d ago

Blacklight actually doesn't illuminate cum.

Yes I'm fun at parties

14

u/MollyBurnsAllDay 4d ago

I will keep this information handy for future use

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u/RajputDynasty 4d ago edited 4d ago

This isn't true, semen will flouresce under a UV light, although vaginal secretions will not.

Perhaps the source you found mentioned that this isn't a definitive test, it is just a method used to quickly locate possible locations.

I believe additional testing for a protein called semenogelin is the only way to distinguish sperm from vaginal discharge. I may be wrong about that last bit, but the more you know...

edit: heres a source :) https://privatelabresults.com/semen-glow-uv-light/

I' not gonna change my post, but I did mis read some of that info so don't quote me, it's an interesting read if you're into forensics :D

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u/MrDurden32 4d ago

I'm pretty sure it does. At least when it's dried it does.

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u/Langsamkoenig 4d ago

If you spray it with Luminol it does. Movies and shows have somehow left out that step in the last 20 years. I remember when they used to include it.

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u/Mikemtb09 4d ago

Blood, urine, or semen…

God I hope it’s urine.

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u/EmiliaXav05 5d ago

how am I supposed to watch a movie if I'm asleep half the time lmao

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u/Agent847 5d ago

How am I supposed to get a bj when I’m tryna watch a movie

735

u/GiGaBYTEme90 5d ago

How am I supposed to watch a movie when I'm tryna get a bj

398

u/Potential-Kiwi-897 5d ago

How am I supposed to watch a movie when I'm giving a BJ? You gotta watch the movie upside down so I can see the screen.

167

u/radio-705 5d ago

You're supposed to do it doggy style so you can both watch X files.

44

u/DarkwingDuckHunt 5d ago

I get this 90s reference

46

u/Squats4wigs 5d ago

Same, but that's because you and me baby ain't nothing but mammals

24

u/wildananas 4d ago

So let's do it like we do on the discovery channel

15

u/ItchyIndustry9637 4d ago

Ah yes, the kind of stuff only Prince would sing about!

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u/sharkzfan95 5d ago

How are any of suppose to hear the movie with you two moaning over there?

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u/CyberNinja23 5d ago Helpful Wholesome

I can’t hear the movie. I think someone’s stirring Mac and cheese in the next row.

159

u/JuneBuggington 5d ago

Mommy they wrestle just like you and secret uncle jimmy do!

64

u/homiej420 5d ago

Go back to youre roblox jimmy or no tendies for you.

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u/MinuteManufacturer 5d ago

Wait, Jimmy’s his own uncle?

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u/Spongy_and_Bruised 5d ago Silver

Does this rustle you?

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u/homiej420 5d ago

No he’s named after secret uncle jimmy meaning his “uncle” is probably his dad

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u/jobiewon_cannoli 4d ago

He was named after his father…

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u/KruztyTheClown 5d ago

I'm my own grandpa :)

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u/KarmicComic12334 5d ago

This movie is ruining the porno I'm trying to film!

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u/ChoasINC 5d ago

This motherfucker is eating beans!

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u/Yurrrr__Brooklyn347 5d ago

They're missing gravy....quick, go give them some

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u/Bradlee888 4d ago

WAP did you say

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u/Striking-Reason5792 5d ago

How am I supposed to hear you two moaning with a movie playing?

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u/OneManFight 5d ago

How am I supposed to watch you give a bj while I'm trying to watch a movie?

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u/MadisonPearGarden 5d ago

This is easy, just lay down parallel with your feet at the head of the bed and you can look at the screen while you suck dick.

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u/smell-the-roses 5d ago

No one is giving you a bj, Stop lying.

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u/GhostBussyBoi 5d ago

I don't have a dick so

You right

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u/blackwifebeater 5d ago

?? I don't understand why you can't do both.

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u/Sad_Abbreviations477 4d ago

No it's designed for a handjob so she can finally watch the movie with you.

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u/EeqcieStorst 5d ago

Netflix and Chill,

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u/Take_away_my_drama 5d ago Wholesome

How am I supposed to watch a movie if I'm trying to watch people have sex?

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u/Penguator432 5d ago

If there was only a way to mix both of these pasttimes…

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u/sprucedotterel 5d ago

You wouldn’t believe what I just found! Swiss theatres hate this thing… click here to find out.

Also your credit card details plz.

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u/theo74400 5d ago

You win

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u/SaltyKnowledge9673 5d ago

I’m sorry but what’s a BJ. My wife has told me numerous times that this mysterious “BJ” was just a myth.

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u/ilizibith1 5d ago

It stands for beef jerky, a popular snack at movie theatres

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u/GhostBussyBoi 5d ago

It stands for Ben and Jerry's

She's trying to keep it to herself

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u/MyHTPCwontHTPC 5d ago

Close relative to the mythical clitoris.

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u/AceVanWay 4d ago

One time an ex asked me how I couldn't find the little man in the boat.

I said how the fuck am I supposed to find him when I don't even know what lake he's out on?!

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u/iiCUBED 5d ago

Best way to watch wakanda forever

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u/BudRock420 5d ago

I fall asleep sitting upright in a movie theatre they wouldn’t get me out of here till Monday

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u/BlankImagination 5d ago

I've realized that I can't go to the movies as often as I did as a teen because now the temperature of the theaters always makes me fall asleep. This bed is a set up for a waste of money for me.

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u/CitizensofWhiterun 5d ago Silver Gold Helpful Wholesome Take My Energy hehehehe Bravo! Vibing Table Slap Bless Up Stone Face

Yo who’s clapping the movie hasn’t even started

520

u/InterstellarAshtray 4d ago Silver

"Oh, don't mind me. I'm just the guy that wipes down the loads.

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u/RelevantUserName55 4d ago

I finally got this reference

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u/MemeStocksYolo69-420 5d ago

Lmfao

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u/ReBeL222 4d ago

The fuckin is real with this one!

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u/batua78 4d ago

They sell slurpies too?

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u/loki444 4d ago

Slurpies are the cost of admission.

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u/Verying 5d ago

And why does it smell like baked beans?

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u/Cultural_Doctor_8421 5d ago

Lmfao got a good laugh out of this one

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u/ConcntratdFartMatter 4d ago

It's a Thanksgiving miracleee

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u/DweeblesX 5d ago

Sorry honey, the popcorns not the only thing that's finished before the move starts.

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u/NetDork 4d ago Wholesome

Who the fuck is stirring macaroni in the theater?

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u/ChubbyBidoof 5d ago

I think it's coming from the back..

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u/[deleted] 5d ago

[deleted]

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u/MrmmphMrmmph 5d ago

in or around

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u/archiekane 5d ago

And why do you keep clapping fast and then slow?

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u/storm_zr1 5d ago

I clap to cbat

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u/LizzyLeonhart 5d ago

I clap to through the fire and flames

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u/Apparentlyloneli 5d ago

GET IT OFF MY HEAD

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u/MissplacedLandmine 5d ago

Dawg she said “just like that” keep your tempo

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u/Austin_Nguyen_2k 5d ago

And the clapping keeps getting louder

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u/Sengura 4d ago

I bet that bed on the back has its own laundromat for those sheets

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u/jessi-cakes 5d ago

Hahahaha

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u/shao_kahff 4d ago

LMFAO 😂

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u/tlk0153 5d ago

Cheapest three hour motel

398

u/SliqKilla 5d ago

Cheapest 3 minute motel

170

u/fgringo 5d ago

What a champ 👏🏻 37s is the record here 🤙🏻

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u/BalkeElvinstien 4d ago

My record is around 15 minutes because I was so insanely nervous I couldn't get it out. 37 seconds is good because it means your having fun and not panicking

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u/HypoxicIschemicBrain 5d ago

What do you do with the other 2m59s?

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u/-Vertex- 5d ago

Self loathe mostly

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u/TangFiend 5d ago edited 4d ago

Most expensive orgy

You seen the prices at concession lately ?

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u/alphawolf29 4d ago

this would actually be a great venue for an orgy lol

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u/Lordfarquarant 5d ago

Hope they burn the sheets after

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u/Adventurous_Raise_87 4d ago

Hope they burn some incense, too.

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u/kakaobohne 5d ago

Its switzerland. The cinema tickets cost more than a night in a motel.

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u/Schmich 5d ago

in a motel in another country*

Everything is expensive in Switzerland, except for being rich, electronics and the highway.

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u/mmlovin 4d ago

Wait, it’s not expensive being rich in Switzerland?

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u/damagedgoodz_ 4d ago

low taxes = affordable to be rich :D

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u/jaxsonnz 5d ago

Look at ol’ 3 hours over here.

You sticking around for hugs or something?

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u/TheAngryLala 5d ago

Netflix and Chill - With friends!!

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u/[deleted] 5d ago Silver Helpful Wholesome hehehehe

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/themikecampbell 4d ago

Not at... A gawd.... I'm at Thanksgiving Dinner. I can't chuckle now! Not about this

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u/BigPoppaStrahd 4d ago

You’re family is already staring at you while you’re gazing at your phone at the table, might as well get a reaction

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u/ThisMightNotWork23 4d ago

It..feels so good when he jokes..

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u/cire1184 4d ago

Cinema with ya Ma.

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u/Arlochorim 4d ago

blockbuster 'n' cockthruster

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u/Phantom52347 5d ago

Are you still watching?

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u/[deleted] 5d ago edited 4d ago

[deleted]

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u/waffleface99 5d ago

Lice and bedbugs.

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u/Squeakysquid0 5d ago

I would last 10 minutes before I assed out

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u/ThunderGunFour 5d ago

Or if you go to the movies alone…👌

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u/Slow_Stable5239 5d ago

This is how AMC is making their comeback

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u/ActuallyCausal 5d ago

I bet that can get awkward in a hurry

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u/VigorouslySoft 4d ago

especially if you only bought a ticket for one

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u/SquadPoopy 4d ago

"You wanna cuddle"

-Some random dude I've never seen before

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u/kingomtdew 4d ago

Then a random stranger buys the ticket for the other half.

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u/algorhythmer 4d ago

"Hello there"

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u/Wadmania 4d ago

Obi-Wan? I was waiting for Padmé!

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u/eiwoei 4d ago

“General Kenobi”

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u/Shiny_and_ChromeOS 4d ago

"You are a bold one!"

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u/niceBobJobShowVagene 4d ago

That sounds awesome!

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u/CompetitiveFault9506 4d ago

Excusi, Excusi.

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u/Sir-Farts- 5d ago

I already fall asleep in movie theaters.

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u/pugbut_2 5d ago

Now All ima hear is Clapping instead of The little babies Crying

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u/irotsamoht 5d ago

Why do I hear both?

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u/LjSpike 5d ago

That's one long movie, I've never seen one with a duration of months.

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u/repp_fire 5d ago Silver

Floors will be even stickier now.

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u/DropC 4d ago

A full on brothel still cleaner than Cinemark.

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u/Morde_Morrigan 5d ago

How am I supposed to watch a movie when all the couples around me are fuckin?

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u/bkr1895 4d ago

By heckling them until they stop

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u/simian_fold 5d ago

What's the point of getting into bed with all your clothes on just to have to get out again after the movie, put your shoes and coat on and go home

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u/aFerens 5d ago

What's the point of getting into bed with all your clothes on

Awkwardly puts clothes back on

We will never speak of this

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u/Cheezitflow 5d ago

The sign said to make myself at home!

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u/carlbandit 4d ago

The pro move would be to go to the cinema in your pyjamas and slippers

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u/Disciple_THC 5d ago

I would really want to have the top one. Then it's like you get 5 movies in one!

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u/Alarmed-Waffle3261 5d ago

Sex All I'm gonna say

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u/Undedmekko 5d ago

Worked in movie theaters for five years. They don’t care if there’s a bed. Easier clean up though.

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u/ImWhatsInTheRedBox 5d ago

A question for the former professional then. Do people think they can actually inconspicuous do the dirty deed in a movie theater or is it more like "yeah we fucking here, stop us if you care"?

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u/Undedmekko 5d ago

A bit of both. Found used condoms pretty sure from fellatio. Probably a swingers club to provide cover.

And drinking and smoking. Smoking was easy to catch and stop. Drinking sometimes got sad. Get pass out drunk within two hours and have to be escorted out.

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u/BerriesNCreme 4d ago

I used to work at a movie theater and I had someone leave a half a bottle of grey goose at the theater. I fucking took that to the back and placed it behind like a rock in the shrubbery and I took that shit home after my shift. Best day

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u/sanjsrik 5d ago

No. No, please. Say more.

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u/Wakandareality 5d ago

They have a similar one in Westwood in LA

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u/CodeOfKonami 5d ago

Gross.

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u/Ares__ 5d ago

I get all the sex jokes cause yea, but other than that as long as they wash the sheets (which I'd assume they do) it's just a hotel bed.

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u/Jombafomb 4d ago

A hotel bed that gets used by different people every couple of hours. Seems a little more gross

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u/Ares__ 4d ago

Considering that theater seats don't have sheets that get changed and people sit in those every few hours this actually seems cleaner

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u/jetstobrazil 4d ago

I mean it seems more like a hospital than a hotel to me. I’d just rather not climb into a bed that gets used 4-5 times a day by people eating popcorn and drinking soda for a couple of hours.

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u/hellschatt 5d ago

I think most people are thinking the same here.

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u/Steinfred-Everything 5d ago

I‘m falling asleep at every second film in cinema. There I‘d sleep every film and never even reach the opening sequence.

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u/volleyboy123 5d ago

Airplanes next please

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u/ItsMe_RhettJames 5d ago

Misunderstood request. Planes have been directed towards theater.

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u/ssuuss 5d ago

They have that already, it is called business or first class

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u/igweyliogsuh 5d ago

The beds are for doing business? I need a better job

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u/LG03 5d ago

Those are already pretty prevalent on luxury airlines.

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u/logosobscura 5d ago edited 4d ago

… as someone who worked in a multiplex, err, fuck no, fuck you, I ain’t cleaning your semen off the seat, fuck off you idiot. Such a sincerely stupid idea divorced from any understanding of what people do in the dark.

Edit: to those condescending to me, the apparent uncultured American… err, I’m not American, sorry. I’m quite British, I’m sorry it disappoints, it often does. Said multiplex was in London. Talking about Switzerland only makes it worse- I’ve seen you in the dark (I lived in Zurich for a time), you are pure heretical filth- Americans talk a good game, Europeans, in general, don’t need to talk, their actions speak louder.

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u/runningoutofwords 4d ago

I ain’t cleaning your semen off the seat

You mean your theater just leaves it there?

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u/lizardlike 4d ago

Gotta build up that crust

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u/logosobscura 4d ago

I’ve been in the rock-paper-scissors fold. In that case, someone took a shit in a crisp packet (during Harry Potter 1, and no, it was definitely not a child). Shit is one thing, semen means blue roll, black light, gloves and …very diluted surface cleaner. If I hadn’t seen how the sausage was made, I’m sure I’d feel differently. But I have, and I won’t.

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u/Beraldino 4d ago

that's the thing about europe, there is market dispute there, if putting a bed in the cinema gives them an advantage against the competition they will put a bed in the cinema, also Switzerland's minimum wage is in the top 4% highest in the world.

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u/Dimter 5d ago

The end will really stick for a while

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u/Najiku 5d ago

I feel like the people behind will still find a way to kick your “bed” every 5 minutes

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u/l_dunno 5d ago

Imagine watching star wars in the cinema and then just hearing: 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏

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u/DaleGribble312 5d ago

I'm gonna guess these don't catch on

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u/porondanga 5d ago

Whatever you do, DO NOT bring a black light

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u/theteedo 5d ago

Also known as an expensive nap, for me anyway. Now freakin way I could stay awake, even through Saving Private Ryan.

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u/borky86 5d ago

Brown chicken brown cow

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u/Jay794 5d ago

Sounds like a terrible idea, people snoring while others trying to watch the film

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u/Finergolem 5d ago

clap clap clap

Me: WTH the movie is only halfway....ohhhhhhh! silent cheering

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u/jackingOFFto 5d ago

I barely want to sit in the seats because most people are disgusting assholes who don't treat their environment with respect. What's really amazing is the amount of trash they leave behind, it could feed Uganda for a year. Now imagine all those dipshits on beds.

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u/MyHTPCwontHTPC 5d ago

How long before there's a bedbug infestation at the theater?

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u/Choice-Fig3429 5d ago

Oh jeez, popcorn in bed?

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u/[deleted] 5d ago

Yes! I totally want to pay $20 to take a nap, can you pay extra to have someone wake you up every time you fall asleep so you don’t miss the movie.

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u/FIicker7 5d ago edited 5d ago

Just curious...

Why even go to a movie theater?

When you can stay home... (check notes) and watch movies in bed...

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u/larry-the-dream 5d ago

Popcorn in my buttcrack. Mouth wrapped around my peepee. Comfy bed.

AMC are you paying attention? This is how you get me back to the theater.

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u/[deleted] 4d ago

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u/poopstinkss 5d ago

Sheets better be fresh and new before every movie. Not washed. New ones. Cheap sheets that they pull out of a plastic bag and throw it on there.

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u/24F 5d ago

I'd rather take the freshly washed but used sheets over the unwashed but unused sheets, especially if they're cheap ones.

Sweatshops are NOT clean.

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u/drill_hands_420 5d ago

Yeah I was about to say. I’m in the hotel industry. We wash all new linen that comes in.

What I heard is sometimes they use formaldehyde to keep the sheets fresh when shipping overseas. I’m not sure the validity of this but I have heard it more than once.

Edit: I was correct. They even use butane and propane too. Source

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u/Paindepiceaubeurre 5d ago edited 4d ago

You’ve never stayed in a hotel?

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u/TorqueyJ 5d ago

"Staid" lol

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u/Outrageous_Bass_1328 5d ago

I shouldn’t have laughed this hard

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u/jeyzee13 5d ago

Why? They don't do that in hotels either

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u/LordSun 5d ago

This must be one of only the only places where it's acceptable to eat on a bed

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u/EmpireCityRay 5d ago

This’ll be Picture in Picture, the movie in front and porn on the side 🤣

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u/Mr_OP_Potato_777 5d ago

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

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u/rustystrings1991 4d ago

How am I suppose to watch the movie when thr people behind me keep clapping??

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u/Aggro_Will 4d ago

Alamo Fuckhouse